Touching you makes me die inside
by J. Marguerite
Summary: A song-fic to Celine Dion's Beauty and the Beast. Johnny visits Devi. A kiss, a talk, a twist.


A/N: I really like Celine Dion songs. I really hate writing stories quarter past twelve at night.

Ladies and Gentlemen… A disclaimer: I don't own anything here except for the idea of the story, which I'm making up as I go along. Voices in my head scare me. Fuck. I don't own any of the characters, nor do I own the song. Jhonen Vasquez owns the former, Celine Dion or however wrote the song owns the latter.

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Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Devi stared up at Johnny, her heart seeming to jump into her throat. He seemed so very, very close all of a sudden. A simple walk to her front door, which had knocked a minute earlier, the simple action of swinging it open, and all time seemed to have stopped. Neither of them needed to utter a word. Neither of them needed to move. Devi clutched her paintbrush, which was slowly dripping yellow paint on the already sticky floor below them, a bead of seat sliding down her neck. She had an odd feeling growing inside of her. It wasn't fear. It wasn't hatred. And it was most certainly not boredom. It was… anticipation. She was anticipating Johnny's first move. His first word. Anything that would break the silence. Wiping her hands on her shirtfront, she swallowed the lump in her throat, and tried to think of something to say. Devi had never been good with breaking the ice, yet as she stared up at Johnny, she felt she would have to. He suddenly looked so awkward… He was wriggling in his spot, his fingers wringing around its opposite, his two stalks of blue-black hair falling in front of his face. Maybe he needed to pee. Devi decided to go with that- maybe it would give her the boost of confidence she so badly needed at the moment.

'Do you ne-'

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Barely even friends

Than somebody bends

Unexpectedly

The female artist was suddenly cut off by something pressed against her lips, cool air against her cheek. After a dozen seconds, she suddenly realised what was going on- Johnny was kissing her. Bussing, smooching, smacking, pecking, pressing lip-to-lip, osculating, however she decided to think of it, that was what Johnny was doing to her that said moment. Before Devi had a chance to respond (not that she wanted to. The man had tried to kill her, after all), Johnny had pulled away, both of his cheeks flushed a tickled pink. Scratching the back of her neck, ignoring the bright paint that was dripping into her hair, Devi took a step back, trying to catch her breath. Finally, she chose to speak a second time, her knuckles white as they clenched around her paintbrush.

'Johnny…'

'I'm sorry.'

'… Why?'

'I couldn't speak. It was the first thing that came into my mind.'

'Oh.'

Just a little change

Small to say the least

Staring down at the floor, Johnny kept his hands close to his sides. He hadn't meant to kiss her. That was one of the things furthest things from his mind as he walked into her building, that cool winter afternoon. And as he stood there in front of her now, he was sure he didn't want to see her. Brushing a snowflake off his boot, he shifted from foot to foot. After a talk with the Reverend burger toy named Meat, he had chosen to take a walk. It had stopped snowing for a while, and he had a rough time the night before, so he decided that a brisk walk would do him good. He actually hadn't realised he had entered Devi's building until she answered the door. As he hobbled from foot to foot, he bit his lower lip, ready to be smacked over the head with something painful. He hadn't wanted to hear her voice. He guessed that was the reason he chose to kiss her. It was easier than ripping her voice box out, considering his knives were either in his boot or left at home.

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Both a little scared

Neither one prepared

Beauty and the Beast

'Do you want to come inside?'

Devi's voice cut through the air as she pointed behind her with her paintbrush. Shrugging, Johnny entered, mainly seeing this as an opportunity to clear the friction between them. Giving a loud sigh, he looked around the apartment, his hands deep within the pockets of his trenchcoat, trying to warm his hands up. He had always been unable to keep himself warm, even as a child. Well, he figured he had been that way since he was a child. The only memory he had as a child was being mocked and teased for some reason or another. Looking up from his memories, he noticed Devi staring at him, he paintbrush set beside her on a chair, the paint creating a puddle.

'What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong?'

Devi just shook her head. 'You just surprised me with your visit, that's all.'

'Don't lie, Devi.'

Ever just the same

Ever a surprise

Devi struggled to come up with a response that wouldn't be her death sentence. She was still terrified of him, yes, but she was surprised that he was able to tell when she was lying. Sighing, she ran her finger through the wet paint, creating a streak along the table. 

'Alright… I'm scared of you. Very, very scared. And when you were at the door, I almost pissed myself, honestly. And when you kissed me… I nearly shat my pants. Happy?'

Johnny remained quiet, the only movement from him being his chest as he breathed. Devi looked up at him, a strand of hair falling over her left eye. 

'Nny?' 

'I didn't even know I was here until you opened the door. I… I was kind of in a trance when I came here.'

'Right...'

'No, I'm serious. Do you want me to go?'

Devi shrugged. 'No, not really. You can stay if you want, but I probably won't be the best company. I'm still scared of you, Johnny. I can't help that. You nearly cut my head off, and now you're here, and you fucking kissed me! God damn…' 

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Ever as before

And ever just as sure

As the sun will rise

Giving a nod of his head, Johnny let out a sigh. He wasn't even sure what he was supposed to be doing that exact moment, but he knew it wouldn't be the best idea to remain silent, and stand there like a stunned mullet. 

'I think I should go, then… I don't want to make you any more scared then you are now…' Johnny turned around, a sudden ache filling his chest. 'I should have been more careful as to where I was going…' He took a step, but was sudden pulled back, as if his sleeve had been caught upon something. Taking a look over his shoulder, he realised that Devi had grabbed his sleeve, and was holding him back.

'Don't leave… Please. You… You seem different… And I carry about three bottles of mace on me all the time…' 

Ever just the same

And ever a surprise

Johnny gave a nod, inwardly smiling that she wanted him to stay. Folding her hands on her stomach, Devi looked down at the ground, wondering what to do next. 

'I… I am surprised I kissed you… I mean, I hate even touching people, and yet, being that close to someone…' Johnny drifted off, giving a vague movement of his hand, as if it would explain what he was talking about. Devi just watched him, gnawing on her lower lip. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak.

'Did you want me to kiss you back? I… I wasn't sure if you would want me to, because you pulled away so quickly.'

'Would you have?'

'I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I'm not one to say.' Devi turned away from Johnny, and headed towards the wall, her fingers sticky with paint. 'I might have. I was going to, actually, but… Nny, I've lived in hiding because of you. I'm scared to go out, and when I do, things seem to get more screwed up then they were before. You… you were different. You never tried to touch me, you never tried anything, except take my life. You're still different, yes, but in a totally different way…'

Ever as before

Ever just as sure

As the sun will rise

Devi turned around slowly, mainly to see why Johnny was so quiet. He was standing a quarter of a dozen steps behind her, his face seeming to show an inward struggle.

'You don't know how guilty I am I tried to kill you, Devi. You did nothing wrong… Except make me happy. I now know killing you wouldn't make any difference, and I would have been miserable in the end, but… It would have made me happy, then. I was selfish, but… I haven't been happy in so long. There could have been justification for it.'

Devi just sighed, and shook her head. 'Johnny, I can understand from your point of view what it would have meant. But for me, you would have just been a cruel bastard-'

'Don't call me that. I was a cruel bastard, I know, but I don't want to hear it from you. Can't you tell, Devi?! I still care for you! My heart still races at the thought of you! My palms still grow clammy, my breath seems to get caught in my throat!' The man shook his head, and looked down at the ground. 'I wanted things to be perfect. I wanted to be normal…'

'You could have been normal, you just didn't have to kill me.'

'That's where I slipped up.'

Tale as old as time

Tune as old as song

Devi emitted a sigh, and sat down on the edge of the couch she was standing beside. Her eyelids half-closed, her mouth twisted slightly as she thought of something to say.

'Have you heard the song "What if God was one of us?"' Johnny suddenly asked, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table, hunching over his knees.

Devi looked up at him, cocking her head to the side in a dog-like fashion. 'Yes… Why do you ask?'

'Well, what would you do if God really was a person?'

'I don't know. Whenever people say that they're Christ, they're sent to an asylum. But if everyone knew he honestly was God… Well, I don't know.'

'Do you think he'd forgive me? For what I've done?'

'I'm not a religious person, Nny. You really shouldn't ask me.'

'Do you forgive me, then?'

Devi paused at that question. 'Maybe. I… can try to forgive you, but I'm still scared of you. I can't erase that feeling. And I'm not going to try to. Fear means you're alive. If I felt no fear, then I'd have to start questioning if I truly am alive or not.'

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Bittersweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

'There are other ways to know you're alive, Devi'

'I really don't want you to start slashing my arm off, Nny. I know I'm alive, but I don't need to pain to realise that. My heart thumping in my chest, and sweat trickling down the back of my neck… That makes me realise I'm alive.'

'I didn't mean like that. Even I know there are other ways. In the heat of the moment, when you seem to be on a pinnacle between life and death, and reality seems to be hidden in a fog- that is when you need pain. That sharp burst in your body, which can fill your veins and your mind. You need pain then so you know you're alive. You may not want to know if you're alive or not, but you should know all the same, so you remember to breath and don't asphyxiate yourself. But there are other ways to know you're alive, for the time being.'

Devi looked up at the man before her, suddenly feeling she was back at the bookstore, and she and Johnny were having one of their old conversations. 'And what would those other methods be?'

'It depends on the individual. Me? I do crazy things in the street.'

'Such as chopping the head off a policeman?'

'Well… yes. How did you know it was me?'

'Who else would do it? Serial killers really aren't that common, Nny, not even in America, particularly in this city.'

Johnny gave a nod, and looked towards the floor. 'I guess you're right. But I still stand by my ground by saying fear isn't the only way to know you're alive.'

Certain as the sun

(Certain as the sun)

Rising in the east

'Well I'm not going to go and slash anyone to death just to know I'm alive.' Devi snorted, forgetting her wary manner for a moment.

'I didn't mean it like that. I meant, when I do that, I get a rush of energy through my veins. Adrenaline. Understand? The adrenaline gets caught up inside of me, and I can't help but scream from the rush.' Johnny shook his head, and rubbed his back. 

'That's a way of looking at it…' Devi murmured, rubbing her stomach again, he fingers becoming stickier. 'Is that what made you do what you did? Last night? Did you get so caught up in the emotion that that was the reason you did… it?'

Johnny looked up at her, his eyes growing darker. 'I guess so. You have no excuse either, though. You did just the same.'

'We didn't get caught. You thought someone would have heard.'

'I think we were heard… What did your friend do when I left?'

'Screamed.'

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the beast

Johnny stood, his back seeming to be growing wet. 'You really are good with your hands. I can see why being an artist suited you.'

'You're better, though.'

'I'm older. More experienced.' 

Devi gave a sigh, and looked around her apartment. She, too, stood, and walked towards the male. 'I'm still afraid. But not as afraid. I know you can't hurt me now.'

'I'm surprised what happened, did happen.' Johnny admitted, looking towards Devi's stomach. A moist patch had grown upon it, and had begun to trickle down, towards the lap of her pants. 'I got caught up in the rush. But… But I think things will turn out okay.'

Devi nodded, placing her hand on Johnny's back nervously. As she pulled her hand away, she gave a slight shudder at the mess that returned with her hand. 'I didn't mean to do anything, you just surprised me.'

'I understand.'

They both paused, a pure feeling of understand, reconciliation, growing between them.

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the beast

'You finally succeeded in killing me, Nny.' She whispered, blood slipping down her gut from the knife wound that was still open.

'You got me back though.' Johnny replied in a whisper, the blood that was escaping the open hole in his back, causing his shirt to stick to him. 

Both were quiet for a long time, before Devi spoke. 'Is this what death is like? Last night… When you stabbed me… Hey, how did you get into my house, anyway?'

'Window was open.' Johnny answered, before letting Devi continue. A bright light was beginning to engulf them, and he knew they would be sent to Heaven, before going their separate ways.

'Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stab you back. You came in when I was cooking chicken.'

Johnny smiled, before pressing his lips on the top of his female counterpart's head. 'I don't regret it. I immortalized the moment, and you just helped.'

Devi sighed in content, and held onto Johnny's hand. 'You'll be going to Hell, won't you?'

'Most likely. I would have stayed last night, but I had to say good-bye to Squee, and have a talk with… well, never mind. I guess I came back here because we were meant to leave together. Sorry about the mess on the floor.'

Devi shook her head, and just held onto Johnny, as the light around them grew to a blinding level, and they were sent to the heavens.

Beauty and the beast

A/N: I had no idea what I wrote just then. I like it, though. 

Well, review, if you want. I'm actually happy with the twist… *skips off* Johnny finally immortalized the moment… I guess Devi did as well.


End file.
